What I meant to say was-
how dare you try to take my men?
They are all fuckaholics, alcoholics, half-wits,
and they aren’t very good at cheating either.
But they do it, a lot.
Well, I suppose if you insist- you can have one.
But I’m warning you-
take off your shoes and get ready-
to stand in the kitchen. never having children.
don’t worry he loves bologna, with American cheese.
and when he farts under the covers at 2am-you’ll understand.
Would you like the one that tried to kill me and himself,
or the one that tried to drown himself in rum?
there is quite a selection here you realize.
They are all well aged, and vintage.
We have Sweet, and sour-
dark and mysterious,
or for the adventurous-
confused. pickled, and loves fetishes.
Ode to the jealous, narcissistic woman-
who can’t help but want what you have,
a life that looks better than theirs,
though a life of thier own would help.
I can’t be sure, but based on these rules
which I did not invent-
If I start dating myself,
she may become a lesbian.