Exploring my Voice

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Inspired by someone else’s blog, I recently decided to choose a new format for this one. I’m going to reach out and try some new things, in an effort to shift the energy of what I believe is an energetic block that I need to work on.

So, to start, it’s a matter of voice- it’s a matter of being free to be who you are, even if other’s *don’t* like you for it. I find that if you don’t have that freedom, to have your own voice anymore- that is when you loose yourself the most.

Now, what do I do? My primary area of expertise is actually in the intuitive, instinctive, empathic, and healing. But one of my best and little known abilities is the ability to actually retrieve a piece of soul and return it, to the person who has lost it. I have a way of helping others feel whole, in spite of their voids- and I value this aspect of who I am.

But I have been hated, I have been pushed to my brink by negativity, I have been labelled, I have been judged- and I have been weighed. I have transformed through my best and worst of days, on this journey of the soul to healing.

Sometimes you don’t know the answer- sometimes you have to accept heavy truths, sometimes you have to just be when you don’t want to just be. It is not the path of everyone to take these risks in life that healing requires. It is not the path of every human being to be a healer- let those who are chaos, be chaos. Let those who are out of balance, stay out of balance. Let those who are not right for be who they are.

And most importantly- don’t drown in their hatred. Even forgiveness will not move a person who is truly committed to their negativity. In the best words of a great friend:

‘Release that shit, have a big snotty cry. don’t let people like that stay in your life’.

Today I am reflecting on how interesting it is that one aspect of finding balance again is recognizing when someone belongs in a mental ward, or a hospital not just a temporary residence on your life. That actually sometimes people take this new age spiritual shit too far, way too far. Ironically, I maybe was born too far off the map to be a member of this inclusive group called ‘new agey weirdos’. I am way too grounded to allow myself to get caught up in their beliefs, and it throws me every single time.

There is saying beautiful and supportive things when someone is feeling down and sometimes it helps yes, to feel that supported. But think about it, what if what is getting this person is actually themselves? I was reflecting on a recent reverend’s audiocast which states:

“go to a mental institution and ask people how they ended up there, and you are going to hear a lot of would have could have, should haves, and actual regrets. don’t try to help them be in balance, they have choosen and decided that being in balance is not right for them. Keep yourself on an even keel.”

It really makes me think sometimes, for what I do is in some ways for some people, tremendously healing. And for others, I have found it can be really perceived offensively- and they will absolutely fight me tooth and nail on every issue every time whether I am there or not. Some praise me, while others really just have come to hate my guts. In part because I carry that wolf mama energy of protection from those who would abuse or harm, and I set a stage for an expectation of truth that is for some unbearable.

It is to say that raising the light in life just does not always solve the problem. Raising the light in life, may actually make it worse in some cases- sparking an argument with someone who prefers the darkness. Sometimes raising the light too brightly too quickly is simply not the answer, sometimes when you think you are standing with confidence you are simply standing with ego. And you just don’t even realize it.

Then others, simply don’t know they are not ‘of the light’- they are actually carrying a great amount of darkness and fear within them- and instead of transforming it they are letting it continue to eat them alive. Or worse, they go join a reiki-new agey group during that time. Some people don’t get it because they are literally lying to themselves. Some people don’t get it because they are exhausted from trying to defend themselves from an invisible war within.

This particular month I discovered how deeply I was hurting from a wound dug deep a long time ago. I never even realized how wrong this person was to me until I had to tackle the issue in the present- with some kind of grace. And that in itself really was a tough question mark. In witchcraft, we call it dark power, which only some people have and that is natural. You don’t fuck with it, you don’t try to walk it to jesus if you are not 100% certain jesus is what this person believes in and is motivated by, and you don’t do anything royally stupid.

More to come…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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